In July of 2018 I had a miscarriage. I had so many different emotions after it was over. We knew we wanted to have a third child, but there was almost a sense a guilt for wanting to try again. “Is it too soon?”, was the question that kept popping up in our minds.
It took us a few months after the loss to be ready to try again. Everyone will be different. For us, two months was enough. For others, it might be a year or more before they’re ready, and that’s ok.
We had gone to visit family in Canada, and I knew that if I tested early I would be able to find out while on this trip if I was pregnant. I had never been able to tell my family in person before and I was hoping for the opportunity!
I have tracked my cycles for about 7 years because they are longer than average and irregular, so it keeps me from guessing. So, at only 9 days past ovulation, I decided to test that morning.
The Positive Test
I remember the mix of emotions of hopefulness, fear, and excitement.
The test was positive!
I wanted to figure out a quick but fun way to tell my husband. So, even though I wasn’t even 4 weeks yet, the smallest food comparison the apps give is a poppyseed for 4 weeks along. So, on my husbands oatmeal I put a tiny poppy set on top. I said to him, “See that there? That’s the size of our baby right now!”.
It really was hard to not feel excitement and fear all at the same time.
Analyzing Every Symptom
Once we got back from Canada, at 5 weeks along, the morning sickness hit me hard. I usually get sick but not until 6-8 weeks, so this was surprising for me. I was hoping and praying that this was a good thing.
I analyzed every single symptom I had–always comparing it to the beginning of my pregnancy when I miscarried and wondering if this would end up the same way.
I had blood draws done to see if my hcG levels were rising like they should. I felt like I had taken my first 3 pregnancies for granted. I didn’t really have fears or concerns of a miscarriage, but this time was so different. I knew that loss was possible.
I had a lot of fears about losing our baby until 15 weeks when I felt the baby move for the first time!
The Lord provided a lot of reassurance for me with the constant nausea up until feeling the baby move regularly.
Our daughter was born full term and perfectly healthy and we were so beyond grateful.
We had gone through this at the same time as my husband losing his job and we had felt the Lord‘s presence throughout everything. Our faith had been tried and tested and God was also so faithful to us that we decided to name our daughter Victoria Faith.
Second Pregnancy After Miscarriage
Fast forward to October 2020. We found out that we were expecting our surprise, last and final baby!
I enjoyed having my hcG checked last time so I decided that I would do that this time.
I was surprised at how much the worry and fear came back even though it had been two years.
When I was 4 weeks 3 days along my hcG was 2401 which was good for how many weeks I was. By this point I was having a bit of nausea but nothing too serious. 4 weeks 5 days along it was 4547. Your hcG should just about double in 48 hours and mine was considered good! This was definitely reassuring.
Spotting
5 weeks 1 day I started spotting. I felt like my dull cramping (early pregnancy sign for me) was changing and everything was making me worry.
The spotting seemed to turn into more and I thought for sure I was miscarrying again. The pain was real. I was grieving losing this sweet life even though I didn’t know if that was what was happening.
I knew I was too early to get an ultrasound and so I did a lot of crying, a lot of praying and a lot of reaching out to friends and family to pray.
I spotted for 1.5 weeks. Sometimes brown, sometimes red and sometimes pink. It was a long 1.5 weeks. The nausea had gotten worse while the spotting was going on so that also have me a bit of reassurance.
The Ultrasound
At 6 weeks 5 days I had an ultrasound. Usually my practice doesn’t see you until 8 weeks but due to my past miscarriage and concerns they let me come in early. Much to our relief we saw our sweet baby growing perfectly.
The nausea continued to get worse for me, so much so I decided to try diclegis for the first time which was extremely helpful for me!
Our baby boy was born July 2021 perfect and healthy!
I definitely understand the pain and the fear with miscarriage and pregnancy thereafter. I encourage you to do whatever you need to help yourself get through the pregnancy. Ask your doctor about checking hcG levels, and getting in for an earlier ultrasound. Pray, read your bible, and invite others to comfort you and pray alongside of you and this precious new life!